party....
it's been a strange weeks!
Monday: as usual on those darn mondays, physical therapy is the way to go. i mean recovering from a torn ACL is by no means a joke, but 11 months have passed today, and i'm still far from able to even go for a quick jog in the park. not good, i hear me say. i guess i haven't really wanted to smell the rain. it's so easy to believe when your PT tells you everything is going according to plans. that those nasty pains i have when bending the knee with a load on it, are just a part of everyday rehab.
i guess watching Ronin with my mate lars, and chatting away about the lay of the land and our respective social lives helped a little....
at the very least tuesday was uneventful, just one of those days where the sheer mundaneness of staying at work til nigh on nine makes you realize what a sad bloke you really are? know the feeling? if not, count yourself lucky....
wednesday on the otherhand, for reasons i'm not about to go into here, was a fabulous day. although spring jitters, and a slight air of excitement made me less productive than on most other days, it was a nice day nevertheless..... happy evening, happy night. say no more, nudge, nudge....
thursday by contrast was a nighmare, not unlike the friday following it. something has taken a nightmarish twist at work. trapping myself in a corner with no escape, assuming responisbility for things seemingly noone else wanted, perhaps overreacting to the sudden option of being a full-blown projectmanager, i have filled my bag of odd-jobs to an unbearable level. i guess, for the first month at work, i worked very long hours, but it was fun, and the responsibility was manageable. this gave way to a second month of shorter hours, more responsibility. a feeling, if only i worked over a little mayhaps a sunday or two i'd be alright, i mange, no worries. not perfect, but fun and educational. the third month has slowly evolved into a feeling that even if i work every weekend from here til hell freezes over, i'll never make half of what i have to, and only a considerable smaller fraction of what i want to..... not a good situation by any means, and not alleviated by the budding spring hormones demanding that i spend at least some time having fun, not by a deepening frustration over a knee half cured, and not at all by blaming myself for mistakes i'm starting to make due to stress and pressure......
not exactly the kind of day you want to finds yourself racing back home after PT on your brothers bicycle, first day of spring, dressed in shorts; roadworks a slippery metal plate in a corner of the bike-trail, BAM! roadrash and i owe my brother a new bicycle.......
i guess things could have been worse, but in this country of safety and compromise it would be a stretch of the imagination.... friday another bad day at the office, way too much to do, a few bits of bad news, and in one of the most enigmatic responses of the human nature, i crashed and did almost zip/zilch/nada all day... great way to eliminate stress. PROCRASTINATE.........
but, as we say in denmark, nothing is so bad it aint good for something.... 2 nights of excessive alchohol intake later, it's sunday afternoon, i've barely been awake for 4 hours, i've had the shakes, the jitters, but luckily no hangover, i'm typing away, the weekend is gone another weeks work is less than 14 hours away, but i'm content at this moment. gotten it out of the system, have a plan for work, and half a plan for the rest of my f.... life, i'm smiling it's spring, i'm spending the evening with my close friend Pernille, i'm still smiling, happy nonplussed but happy....... see you soon :-9
strange, manic-depressive, strange......
in the morning i ignore the pain, until it catches up.
mid day i'm depressed as hell, waiting for it to stop,
by evening i am drunk again, on alchoholic crop.
there's are few things like the combination of deep passionate involvement, and cold-assed heartbreaking cynicism. yet that seems to be my lot in life. i'm a chameleon fo emotions, passionate and involved when it suits me, as long as it suits me, but aware enough of the bruises that can buy, to have a portion of cold cynicism ready in case i ever need it. i think i need to workj on my balance, it's shifted, and shifting in a continuous flowing motion, never resting never quite there. i do belive the actual pivot on which the balance of my life is resting, is alive with fluid locomotion. if that's the case i may find it hard to ever regain the balance of my dreams. maybe instead of shifting weights between the two sides of the balance it is high time i focus on the actual pivot. myself.... maybe it's not the life at fault but rather little me and my.....
work on it, think it through, don't blame it on the rain!!!
quote of the[insert arbitrary period of time here]:
Thomas Neill:
"Of those who say nothing, few
are silent."
currently reading:
Neil
Gershenfeld:
"What Happens When Things Start
to Think?"