sorry..... i'm late again
this is getting to be a bad habit
what is there to say?
new job! 70 hours a week! having fun, being challenged every day, working hard accomplishing things!
in short, more than i ever dreamed of from a new job at this time of my life. n ot bad i guess.
i'm a full blown project manager now, with a few of my own projects, working hard to make everything come together. that unfortunately has meant a load of bollocks waiting 3 weeks to be written here. so no excuses but i'll just get on with it.....
since i was here last
whats happened?
first of all, i added a search engine, and a guestbook, and my next project of that sort is some sort of mailing list, but ezmlm leaves me baffled....
that's boring, i hear you say?
Hmmm... well here i go again, geek that i am, focusing on the technical :-)
what's really happened since last.....
as i mentioned i got a new job, i started on the 4th in the morning expecting a quiet few days, and in truth i was hired primarily as a programmer, with the distinct point that i would move into managing the technical process with-in a few months, and then gradually gaining the experience that i needed to be a full blown project manager. i mean, my intention has been to get to try real full-blown, ulcer-creating project management in the internet business. gain experience, get bolder, get some nice references, maybe even enjoy myself doing it.
not in my wildest imagination had i expected to be thrown into such a hot-bed of project management. 2nd day at work, kick-off for a pitch on a large (very large) project. tons of work for 2½ weeks. 4the day of work. i'm officially a project manager, 5th day, i now have 2 projects to call my own, as well as a few hundred hours a week preparing this pitch.....
intense? you better believe it!
fun? for now at least a definite yes!
demanding? again a yes to that!
and i mean, it's not as if i can truly say that there is something important that prevents me from putting in a 70 hour week. i mean i have friends i want to keep up with, see once in a while and generally not alienate. but it's not as if i'm engaged in any extremely engrossing personal relationsships.
you know, no girlfriends or stuff like that.
it's a strange process though, and in the few hours i'm not really working i still find myself thinking a lot about life, happiness, satisfaction...... the way i seem to have different ways of measuring personal succes? i guess for a while after this knee-thing, i was really depressed, with all the things i was going to miss out on, due to imobility, then there was the phase of renewed strength, and now the winter has brought on another insecurity, a feeling that is kind of strange, but which does feel like it could become a sort of burying yourself in work... making no sense at all, i see, so what's new.
what i'm trying to say is, that the winter has shaken me in the conviction i had, especially about personal life and stuff... for a while i was so sure that i wasn't going to even bother looking for a girlfriend unless i was truly smitten. sure that anything less than a perfect cupid bulls-eye, would not be worth it, after all, i'm getting along very well on my own, thank you very much.
i'm not so sure anymore. i increasingly fin myself at home after a long day at work, or over the week-end, looking out at depressingly dark copenhagen thinking, maybe, just maybe it would be worth having someone to hold, and talk to, to ask about life, to kiss, and be kissed by. maybe!
ok, i'm over it now, let's get on with life :-)
i guess there's not much more i could ask for from life. given the circumstances (primarily my imobility) i seem to have the job of my dreams. extreme challenges, no time to rest, the knee is coming along well, the day that i can once again, run and jump seems to be getting closer, yeah i guess happiness is warranted. maybe i am happy, maybe i'm just too busy all of a sudden to realize it? maybe not seeing my friends as often gets to me?
most likely i'm experiencing one of my many moments of doubt with regards to whats important in life. sometimes i sit here at work after 12-13 hours of straight work, and think: what happened to the ideal of living life to it's fullest, of prioritizing friends and stuff? is this it, is this all there is to it? or am i still missing something? i don't know, i'm not sure i really want to know, but this for now is MY life, and i will do my best to make it work until i reconsider and decide to change it again.......
see you guys soon......
quote of the[insert arbitrary period of time here]:
Unknown:
"There is no god, and Murphy
is his prophet"
currently reading:
Bruce
Chatwin :
"What am I doing here"