Yes, this is what an MR-scan of a knee, with a ruptured Anterior Cruciate Ligament looks like.
No, It's not MY knee....
Obsession
As time passes, and my knee (the one with a missing cruciate ligament) keeps bugging me, and seems to be on the road to no recovery, I'm getting obsessed with that knee. Every day that passes I think about it every waking hour. Of course it bugs me, when there are things I can't do.
Play football in the park. Go to Basketball practice with my friends. Stand up in the pedals to push that bike uphill. But even in my day-to-day living, when having reduced knee function is hardly a major handicap, it's the mental stress that gets unbearable sometimes.
That feeling of hopelessnes, of the knee being in the way of so many dreams. There are so many trips I'd like to plan, jobs I want to apply for. In exotic places, far reaches of the world. Working tio make a difference. But how am I supposed to do that, when I can't climb a hill, squat down to take a crap, or even walk for more than 5 K's.
I want to do all these things, and all that I'm doing is sitting in some reasonable exciting job, eating, drinking, growing fatter and fatter, getting out of shape, and spending loads of money trying to make this life interesting. Yes that's the eating and drinking thing again, but then I do an awful lot of that.
At least work is keeping me busy. In fact too busy, because there doesn't seem to be enough time to pursue things like this web-page.
And tonight there are good things happening too. My Maluco friends start coming in. Yael arrives tonight, on sunday Nicola joins in, and next week-end it's GZA. We are going to party, get drunk, waste away our distinctly wasteable existences, and have an amazing time I hope.
So all is not as bad as it sometimes sounds. This next week could hit a clean 9 on the insanity scale, with lot's of work to do, friends to entertain, in the wildest sense of the word, a knee to take care of, and some serious side-projects that can't be abandonned.
Maybe next time I drop by I'll talk to you about my next personal project. Trying to get my sorry ass into an MA program over there in the US. That could prove either a lot of fun, or an amzingly futile effort. All I know is that the GRE test seems a lot harder than I would have expected.....
I've been reading some of my rants lately, and apart from being pretty negative stuff, from a pretty positive guy, they seem to have become less fun. I'll have to see If I can't do something abou that....... When we return after this break.