Rain, miserable rain
I was happy....
Now I'm not. I'm sick of it, the rain, the miserable rain, the danish weather, the shite.... It makes me miserable, lethargic, bored, tired of life.
Yes, for a momentary lapse of spirit that IS all it takes. I was sitting here at work, just decided to head down to the gym, meet up with my mates, watch them play B-ball, maybe shoot some hoops, standing on my ggod knee. I fel good.
You see, yesterday I stayed at work most of the night. And I got some stuff done, a lot actually, and I felt good about it. Getting something done. I'm working on my first major project, where I'm in charge. And it's a responsibility I'm not sure I want. I like being irresponsible, in peoples eyes, living the life, not worrying. But I have to say, that when I really succeed with something It does feel good. And I felt good.
Of course today was different. Because of the late hours yesterday, I didn't get in until 11ish, an then I couldn't concentrate, I've gotten to the boring part of the project, the documentation, testing and stuff, and I always have problems with the old self-discipline.
I mean. It just doesn't inspire. But it's OK, after all I did get some work aside and nothing really mattered... I was of to the gym, until I got outside and saw the reincarnated danish summer. I was afraid I'd drown if I actually went to get my bike in the parking lot, and biking home would have soaked me. So insrtead I turned aroun, went back in and sat down to work again.
And that's where I am now. Depressed like hell. I picked up the phone, caled Pernille, chatted, but just empty, while-away-the-hours talk, and there's only so long I can keep that up. When the breaks between sentences are actually longer than normal phone conversations the truth slowly dawns on me. There is no waty I can do this until the weather gets better. It just isn't possible. Get that....
So now I'm here. Too depressed to conquer the rain, too depressed to get anything done, too depressed to even get my act together and try to fill in some of the holes on these pages. Maybe I will anyway, or maybe it's kebab time. Time to head out and find some oriental style cooking to stuff into my mouth. That always makes everything seem nicer.....
Of course I could always read the book I started yesterday. Paul Auster's Auto-biografi.
Ohhhh, I almost forgot to mention how hard it is to manage without the excitement of the world cup, after 30+ days of football exaltation......
That was my depressed rave, tune in here for a few lighter thoughts on life>>>