I guess investing in a scanner has high priority, if I'm going to get
my act together and actually add something interesting...
That seems like a worthwhile project for this coming week.
Also scanning some of the slides I have from my 6 months in South
America, would be interesting....
Fascination
The rehab isn't going too well. There seems to be some cartilage resulting in quite fabulous moments of opain when I try to do my rehab excersises. I think we're approaching a crucial time here, the doctor, my physio and I. To operate or not to opreate, that is the question....
So, dear readers, I say to you now, at this point in time, in a frame of mind nearing desperation. The next few months will tell me a lot about the 10-12 that follow.
Still... It's a life of options, and the very fact that so many perceived options were wrested from me, in one silly bad move on a squash court, stems from the existence of these very options in the first place.
Bitterness was never really me, although I have the tendency. That feeling sorry for myself trip has passed through my conscious life once or even twice. But I can see the irony, talk about bitter... I can see the uselessness of that self-pitying, and once in a while I can grab myself by the jock-strap, pull myself into the functioning world and do something.
I'm a happy man (or boy), I know, inside, I know that I have every reason to be greatful, exactly for all the optuions that present themselves, all the things I "would" have done, if only my knee hadn't given... And even more for all the things I will do, as soon as the thing is back in shape.... And hell, if it takes a year, that's it then, it takes a year, and I'll be 1 year older at an amazing 25 before I get to resume all the insane travelling that life bids me to do....
And hell, in the mean-time, I have a choice of jobs, of opportunities, of losing weight or getting fat, of working as a project manager in Internet develoment, or as a consultant in main-frame solutions. I can choose my wages, my working hours, the challenges that work presents. I can go on dole, I can party, I can study, I can sleep the day away..... Play chess, go out, get drunk, stoned, wet, dry, dye my hair in the colours of mighty Arsenal... I can party, travel, for one week here, and another there, got somewhere, have fun, exceed my limits, or stay well within them.... I can put some money aside, or I can refrain. Spend it all, in one big splurge, or over a period of time... I can do anything that doesn't require fulle knee stability!
And yet I complain, because those are exactly the things I want to do :-)
But here it is officially: I'm a happy man...
I'm a dreamster, I dream of open skies of canoe trips along the rivers of giant Canada, og fierce volunteer work in the forest of Guatemala, og back-packing again, of travelling from here through the CIS, to Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Georgia, Armenia, Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, India. Of Bush-walking in Australia, black-water rafting way down under, of the wild-life of Africa, the icy plains of Greenland.... Of expeditions in the rough, or just working in good old London.
But I know that if it is meant to be, I will get the chance, and I know now, that all there is to do, is be prepared. Ready to leave at short notice when the opportunity arises.
And meantime, I'll see if I can't get something interesting out of something as quietly mondane as a job. Wether I stay with the one I have, or go for the bigger check somewhere else, it will all come together in the end. For I have what few people on this planet have:
The freedom to choose my own path amongst the many that present themselves, and the self-confidence and support to keep trying as long as there is another path to walk....