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success....

success is a strange size. how it compares to ambition. how it's subjectivity is it's existance.

i guess i'm succesful at work. by most accounts, succesful in life. and i feel succesful. i feel like what i'm trying to do, is accepted and generally (by my peers) considered good work.

in a a few years in the internet business i have moved from coder and system developer, through a little bit of project management, over technical consulting work, through technical specialisation in wireless internet and wap stuff, and right up to my current position as leader of a small department within icon medialab, focusing on new channels development.

if you're wondering what new channels is, it's a by definition vague area, of development into all things that are internet related, but are not pc's. in other words, it involves interactive tv, wap technology, palmpilots, refrigerators, and all the obscure paraphernalia that's hitting the internet these days and months.

so, i've actually managed to get myself a job, looking at new and unknown applications of the internt, an area so vague, that within reasonable bounds, i may define my own focus.

is that succes? i think so. i think, that although i work exceptionally long hours at times, i'm doing something where a large majority of the daily tasks are enjoyable.

in other words, when i hit the job market a few years ago, i realized that the best you can hope to do out there, is be aware of your own strength and weaknesses. to know what i enjoy and what i don't. to continuously analyze these things, and to every week think about wether there is something i can do that would minimize the dullness and maximize the thrill.

i've tried my best to work like that and feel that in general it's moving the right way. every month that passes there seems to be more fun and less bum.

in short, it's fun, and it pays really well, and it doesn't even involve child-labour, major human rights problems, or giant toxic spills. so while it may not exactly be helping any of the billions of people who weren't born the privileged white, western sod i was, at least it doesn't directly hurt them either. and that, i think is a good start. after all i'm still only 25 (for 9 more days), so there's time enough to save the world and still be back in time for the retirement home......

---

great to be back
i missed you,
missed the exposure
the intimacy of published trains of thought

krag.org
this haunting flow of me

this chaos
this self-centered conversation with the world
sometimes means more
than the most intimate chat

krag.org
this collection of words

sometimes i can forget
not write
not have time
for days, weeks, months

and only in the most subtle of ways
will i ever know
that what i could have had
is missed

it's not an immediate reaction
not an obvious addiction
it's a slow slip into a daily grind
a whirring loss of perspective

krag.org
this meaningful thoughtlessness

with it i keep my head up
i manage against all odds
not to be just another worker bee
but to actually know why i keep saying yes.....

 

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